I Once Was a Girl

by Stefani on 31-July-2009

I once was a little girl. 

I Once Was A Little Girl

I did weird stuff like begging to shave my legs and praying that one day Madonna would be my best friend and mixing up all the sodas together into one nasty drink. 

She Looks LIke She's Thinking About Kissing that Old Man

Now I'm an old lady who tells her children not to do weird stuff like making obnoxious noises with their armpits (one of the unanticipated side effects of sending my kid to camp), wiping their boogers on the walls and having burping contests. Lord help me, Is that so much to ask? 

This weekend I will celebrate 12 years of being married to my old man. Where did the time go? 

Sweet Old Fella

He's not really that old. He's more along the lines of that whole Clooney/Pitt, salt and pepper scruffle-faced old. 

I really want to know how come men get to get all debonaire and wisened as they age and women just get to sag? That's near the top of my "Questions to ask God When I See Him Next" list. 

By the way, did you know that God is on Twitter? I'm a follower. How could I not be? 

New Shoes

Yes, I used to be a girl. I bought shoes because they looked like they might make me run fast, or because they had a little blue Ked's tag on the back and Rebecca Dwire's shoes had a little blue tag on the back and she wouldn't like me if mine didn't have a little blue tag on the back and then no one else would like me because Rebecca's word was the law and that was that. 

Now I'm an old woman and I'm looking to buy some shoes that will make the pain in my heel go away. I don't care what color the tag is. 

Now I'm an old woman  who is taking fish oil and coral calcium and neither of those things is bubblegum flavored or chewable. I want to know why not. 

I'm adding that to the  aforementioned list. 

Today's sketches were brought to you courtesy of my sketchbook. I didn't get around to Illustration Friday this week because I'm steadily working to bring you a new Book of Days. It should be out early next week. 

You should really buy it because it's got a lot of great family fun in it and some cute drawings and because it's really a killer deal at only $6 and besides… if you buy it, then I can buy expensive, tagless, styleless orthopedic footwear and non-chewable horsepills. 

I'm beginning to think that old age is making me cranky. 

In the case that you're feeling a little cranky too,  here's some fun stuff that might put a smile on your crotchety old face… at least they put a smile on MY crotchety old face: 

War Horse – Way cool, life sized horse puppets in the London West End Theater

Cheeming Boey – who draws on cups and probably doesn't have any blue tags on his shoes because he's too cool to care what Rebecca Dwire thinks of him. 

Awkward Family Photos – makes me feel SO much better about some of the parachute pants/ waterfall hair photos in my past. 

Crazy Dancing Wedding Party - I'm pretty sure that our entire families would have shriveled up and died if we did such a thing, but aren't they cute as they can be? If I knew them, I would tell them that 12 years will go by faster than they ever thought it could, and that he will be greying and she will sag in the strangest places, but that if they keep on dancing and laughing and taking their fish oil, they will be surprised at just how crazy wonderful life turns out to be. 

Happy weekend, y'all!

Holly C. July 31, 2009 at 3:13 pm

I begged for pierced ears, along with leg shaving. Instead of keds, I dreamed of Nikes.

Love your sketches!?

Amy J July 31, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Love you Stef!

Get some Birkenstocks. You’ll fit right in when going to Amy’s or Whole Foods, and they saved my heels. It’s probably plantar fasciitis. So not fun. Let me know if you want more info. I suffered for many, many months and am finally better.

Marcia July 31, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Amy J – I would like more info….
My heels are killing me to – I’m only mid 30’s, I’m not allowed to have pains!

Camie July 31, 2009 at 4:34 pm

I love your post today. I love your sketches. I love the crazy dancing wedding party. I wish I would have thought of doing something like that, for the day was certainly worth celebrating in a fun way. I was too worried about having wedding hair like Princess Diana.

Thanks for making me ponder and laugh and be grateful today, for I am a much better me now that I am old.

Sherry (rovinggirlnotes) July 31, 2009 at 4:45 pm

you are too funny but, strangely, you are right…
>why do boys do the wall booger thing, i haven’t figured out yet.
>congrats on your anniversary
>birkenstocks are the way to go, baby. seriously, i bought mine on sale at famous footwear and they are having the buy one get one 1/2 off sale. if you don’t have one near you, go online.

Sherry (rovinggirlnotes) July 31, 2009 at 4:53 pm

saw the wedding dance and i freaking started to cry when the bride danced up the aisle, how dorky is that??
:O) sherry

Natalie T. July 31, 2009 at 5:21 pm

This post put a smile on my face, thanks for that!

Stefani July 31, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Birkenstocks!?! Really? That’s almost as good as a blue tag. I might even be kinda cool in those. Well no, it might take more than shoes to push me into the cool realm, but still…
Thanks for the tip!

Stefani July 31, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Isn’t that funny how that works? I was so concerned about everything being “RIGHT” that I forgot to relax and enjoy the day. I’d do things so differently if I had them to do over.

Stefani July 31, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Oh I’m so going to look into that. I think we have one of those… maybe.
Thanks so much for the sale tip!

Stefani July 31, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Okay, I’m so glad that you said that because I cried too and couldn’t work up the nerve to admit it. We can be dorks together 🙂

Teri July 31, 2009 at 7:00 pm

Happy Anniversary!
*why don’t our vitamins come in bubble gum or cherry flavor?
*I cried at the bride dancing down the aisle too! Now I don’t feel crazy
*Birkenstock have got some really cool shoes. Not necessarily cool like the blue tag, but cool none the less.
*I am so relieved to hear that I am not the only one cleaning buggers off the wall.
*What is it with boys and those arm pit sounds?

Teri July 31, 2009 at 7:01 pm

I meant to also tell you to check Amazon for the Birkenstock, I found some great deals there for the kids.

Colleen July 31, 2009 at 7:49 pm

I’m also so glad that there are other moms out there scraping boogers off the wall! How funny, and yet sad, that this is now a bonding point in my life…Is it just a bonus for birthing boys?

Jenn W July 31, 2009 at 8:20 pm

I agree that it is probably plantar fasciitis. I’ve had it for a couple of years. I have found a few things to be very helpful… never walk around barefoot, wear asics sneakers or orthopedic crocs, take ibuprofen and ice my feet on really painful days, go for a morning walk to loosen my muscles and tendons, and do yoga whenever possible ( especially downward dog). Therapeutic massage and chiropractor visits help too. I was 30 years old when I got it. I’ve always worked “on my feet” and spent a lot of time barefoot. I hope this helps.

heather July 31, 2009 at 8:53 pm

thanks for the link to the crazy wedding dancers….i can’t stop smiling. i want to have another wedding now, too.

Theresa August 1, 2009 at 1:34 am

I’m likin’ your sense of humor

Kez August 1, 2009 at 2:19 am

OMG – so did I!!!

Kez August 1, 2009 at 2:19 am

lol, I too, thought it was just me 🙂

Carri Lambert August 1, 2009 at 6:16 am

Me too. And it didn’t help when my girls started talking about how they wanted their weddings to be one day.

Lia August 1, 2009 at 11:08 am

We were just talking about that wedding video at my tap class! Too cute! I wish we had done something like that, too. Happy anniversary!

Grace August 1, 2009 at 11:32 am

Oh, Stefani, do you know how much I love you?!!!

As I read this, I thought of this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjUwEs2hIL8&feature=related

If you aren’t familiar with it — go listen! It’s my mom’s fave.

Grace August 1, 2009 at 11:56 am

I’ve had plantar fasciitis since I was 26, and it causes the most awful heel pain. That would also be my guess. Birkenstocks have been helpful to me, and they do recommend them (or any shoe with significant arch support) for this condition, but shoes with a slightly raised heel are even better. Danskos (the traditional clog-style ones) are the really typical plantar fasciitis “prescription shoe”. My mom has it, too, and actually went to the doctor about it (gasp!), and they told her to wear Danskos every day. I’ve been wearing Danskos & Birks pretty much exclusively for the last 5 years and my feet are much, much better, but I do still feel some pain when I get up in the morning.

I agree with the poster who said to never, ever walk around barefoot. This is potentially a cause of plantar fasciitis, or at least, a precipitating factor.

Take care of those tootsies!

Grace August 1, 2009 at 11:58 am

PS: Our anniversary is this week, as well. It really gets you to thinking about things. xo

Treemama August 1, 2009 at 2:53 pm

i snuck and started shaving my legs with my mom’s razor. i regretted starting just as she warned me because it never stops.

happy anniversary and your illustrations (self-portraits) are lovely indeed!

Kerry August 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Happy Anniversary!
And for what it is worth… I vote for Danskos too! They have all kinds of cute sandals too for you warm weather gals. I have the standard clogs as there is snow up here in the Northland for at least half the year!
Your pictures always make me smile!
Yay for a new Book of Days!
Have you been working on that novel yet? I was just thinking about that the other day!

Gail August 2, 2009 at 8:22 am

love the wedding video
hate the wall boogers
love the “book of Days” and have been (im)patiently waiting for the next one
Love your illustrations
Hating plantar faciitis
loving hitting my 40’s and being okay about not having the cool shoes with the required blue tag
love the blog
hating the sag
Wishing God would come to my house for a while
Happy married days to you.

steadymom August 2, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Celebrating 11 years here one week from today!

And wearing $600 insoles in my feet to get rid of the pain – does that make me old?!


Leslie August 3, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Stef I miss you!!!! I spend too much time on facebook now. If you are still on there (I remember you had a link way before I was on fb) friend me so we can chat more: Leslie Wilson Heuer!!


meg August 3, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Wow, I sure have found my people! I can’t believe how many people chimed in on the whole heel pain (yep – actually went to the dr about it – plantar fasciitis); I thought I was the only one! Also thought I was the only one crying while I watched the dancing wedding party. My old man thought the whole thing was nuts, but what do boys know? They think armpit noises are funny! 😉

this little light August 3, 2009 at 8:10 pm

Sometimes I’m just shocked at the passage of time. It blows my mind. My husband and I celebrated 10 years together in April. Three kids later….I’m like “when did we become grown ups?”

Sam August 3, 2009 at 10:15 pm

I loved this post, because I am feeling like a crotchety old lady myself these days. Thanks, made me smile.

mommycoddle August 4, 2009 at 5:00 am

oh stef! happy anniversary. you are getting “old” gracefully, don’t worry! 🙂


earthycraftymommy August 4, 2009 at 9:13 pm

Happy anniversary you crazy old kids 😉

Ours is today…August sure is busy!!

We’re looking forward to supporting your shoe & horsepill habit 😉


Amy@ProgressivePioneer August 5, 2009 at 10:54 am

You know, I’ve questioned this whole “sagging and graying is bad” thing. I’ve seen plenty of beautiful photos of old ladies. We’re just a youth worshiping culture, and none the better for it. So, I declare it officially: Saggy bods, especially those that have borne and nursed the next generation are officially, unequivocally, fantastically, beautiful!

brit August 8, 2009 at 9:48 pm

Every time I watch that wedding entrance video (ahem..) I cry. I love it so. the joy, the hip hop happiness. And today I realize why I have been watching it repeatedly. It is the same reason I come back to your blog and Soulemama’s blog and Chookoolooks and blogs that make me happy (my blog makes me happy *grin*)it is because Sometime life is rough, and sometimes dreams die, and people die and we are saddened by the world around us and we forget …about the JOY and the LOVE because they so rarely make the headlines and I think this video effected me so much because it is so full of Joy and LOve and unabashed exuberance. And I want to stand up and cheer for them and I think every bride should dance down the aisle to a stand ovation. And because I love my husband and my life and my children so much that I wish for love and joy for everyone else and especially for those who can jiggy on down the aisle as they take that next great leap that all of us know is never easy, joining to souls is hard work but being able to laugh and sing and dance, make it all worthwhile.

Group hug!

Gretchen Schock-Skovron August 11, 2009 at 1:45 pm

congrats! fantastic post. the pictures are darling. Love the little girl, she is fantastic! And I too had to have the shoes with the blue tags on it. 🙂

turnitupmom August 15, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Thanks for the laugh….hmmmm, those questions to ask God! This really brought me back to girlhood for a moment. You were so right on about shaving your legs. It was my short cheerleading skirt that made me do it!

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