Confessions of a Thieving Wham Lover

by Stefani on 6-August-2007


That’s me, at two, or so, trying to oh so subtly lift the tea cakes out of my Great Grandma’s cookie jar. Who puts cookies in a toddler’s reach anyway?

I’ve been tagged, again, to list 8 random things about myself. I find this enormously funny because seriously, most everything about me is random, so picking 8 to share with the thousands of riveted readers that visit my little blog everyday (go back and read that as dripping with snarkiness) is like saying, “Gee Stef, show me the 8 most interesting of all the hairs on your head.” I’ve got an endless supply of randomness people, but I can’t imagine why knowing any of it is worth a spoonful of spit.

You made your bed though, so here ya go:

1) There are two kinds of people in this world, The Nancy Drew type, and the Trixie Belden type. I was definitely the latter. She was sneaky, always falling backwards into trouble, forgetful, had trouble in math class and she and her buddies rode horses. What more could you want? She could wipe the haunted mansion with prissy Nancy any day, as far as I’m concerned.

As a money-grubbing teen I sold all my books in my Mom’s garage sale. Last summer though, I went on an eBay frenzy and bought most of them back. I read them too, back to back. Cuz I’m smooth like that.

2) When I was 11 I stole a kaleidescope from a toy store because Kristi F. asked me to. She was 8 years older than me, could tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue and listened to Pato Banton. I desperately wanted her to like me and I felt pretty confident that being a hardened thief would win her affections. Of course, it never occured to me that she was being paid to babysit me while my parents were on vacation, and would not have hung out with me otherwise, even if I’d managed to pocket the Mona Lisa.

3) I often have fantasies of going to a hotel… alone. Just me, room service, an uninterrupted hot bath, and a good book. Please Do Not Disturb. I’m pretty sure I’d last five minutes before calling my fellas to come and crash the pool with me though.

4) I have no idea what I’m doing on so many levels, and question myself all the time. Is homeschooling the right decision for my kids? Can I really claim to wear this size if I have to lie down on the bed to get the zipper up? Do I practice what I preach? Will I actually finish Ryder’s quilt before he graduates high school? Can I call my house clean if I know good and well that opening a closet door would land some poor unfortunate soul in the ER? How on earth did I come to deserve THREE gorgeous, inspiring, curious, wonderful sons? Bloody WHEN will the next season of Project Runway begin? See, plagued by questions and doubts.

5) I have never left the country, and don’t even have a passport. But… a little birdie has told me that I might want to get one soon….

6) I’d eat brownies everyday for breakfast if I didn’t care to live long enough to see my grandkids. You know the ones, the thick, dark chocolate tasting, nut-filled gooey ones (the brownies, not the grandkids). I’d eat them in a box and with a fox, in the rain and on a train, in the nude, in lieu of other food, here and there, I’d eat them everywhere!

7) I had a crush on George Michael… in the Wham days. I’ve gotten over it of late, thanks to his extremely disappointing behavior. “Ew,” is the word that comes to mind. I really do try to accept people where they are, for who they are, but… well suffice it to say that I’m not linking to any of his unfortunate public incidents because I prefer you to remember him at his espadrille-wearing, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” best.

8) I played the trumpet in highschool. I had no real musical ambitions, and not much talent, but I was extremely determined to be the very best trumpeter that I could be because the longer I remained in band, the longer I was eligible to opt out of P.E. It was a small sacrifice to avoid sweating, running, bouncing or being made to change clothes in front of my peers. And let’s face it, band geeks were my people… my Trixie Belden loving, toy-theiving, self-doubting, brownie-eating, Wham-listening, P.E.-avoiding people.

Seriously now, think long and hard before tagging me again, dear readers. There is a never-ending fount of this drivel. You’ve no idea.

Molly August 6, 2007 at 9:07 pm

I’ll never tire of learning 8 more random things about you, even if you once had a crush on George Michael (OK, so did I).

Anne August 6, 2007 at 9:41 pm

If you can zip it, you can claim the size.

Amber August 6, 2007 at 10:23 pm

You are hilarious and I’m sorry to say I hope people tag you more so we get to read all about it..I love how the brownies turned into green eggs and ham and #4 sounds just like me. I think I’ll have to look back in your blog for more tags so I can laugh some more tonight!

Ellie August 7, 2007 at 3:35 am

More drivel please!! I totally agree with you about the hotel (or quiet cafe, bookstore, walk on my own…). I really love the idea as an idea, but as soon as I’m about to put it into practice, I want the noisy babble to be there with me. Questioning myself seems to be my life’s work. Thanks for making me laugh, again, again, again + again!

dana August 7, 2007 at 4:26 am

You have such a GREAT writing style. Always keeps me coming back for more!

dana August 7, 2007 at 4:27 am

Oh, and may I link to you in my blog in the “blogs I love to read” section?

Holly C. August 7, 2007 at 4:50 am

I was absolutely in love with George Michael. That mostly ended 15 years ago, after I became a mother. And after his recent behavior-barely give him a thought anymore. Like you said-Ew.

At least, now I know, I wasn’t alone.

erin August 7, 2007 at 4:58 am

ok…you and i have a lot in common. i relate with every single item in number 4 (substitute 2 girls for 3 boys).

and you might be jealous…i touched george michael at a wham concert back in 1983. now i think i’d run.

finally, trixie belden rocks.

Tracy August 7, 2007 at 5:07 am

AHA! I always thought noone knew about Trixie Belden but me. She was far superior to Nancy Drew.

Heather August 7, 2007 at 5:39 am

Nope! I never had a crush on George and I read all the Nancy’s and don’t know Trixie! What does that say about me?! Ha ha! I’m way too complex… aren’t we all though? I dare you to write a blog one day that doesn’t make me laugh out loud. Just try it… you can’t do it cause your sense of humor is definitely one of your beautiful random things! P.S. I’ve reread many of my childhood books… not the Nancy D’s… you’ve got to give me some credit.

Sarah August 7, 2007 at 5:43 am

When IS project runway going to start again? I am in serious withdrawal.

Leigh-Ann August 7, 2007 at 6:56 am


amy August 7, 2007 at 7:33 am

so funny! Thanks for sharing!

elizabeth August 7, 2007 at 8:14 am

oh i love how you’ve reread your faves as a child. this will have to go on my list of musts!!!

i’ll need to break out those bobbsey twins that i have been collecting for my lil bella.

mountain mama August 7, 2007 at 8:18 am

Who’s Trixie Belden??? I’ma gonna have to check it out! I read all the Nancy Drew and Bobbsey Twins books and even started on the Hardy Boys before I got bored of them, and moved on to Sweet Valley High, but I never heard of Trixie Belden.

# 3 and 4, totally me! And #7? Yeah, me too!

Sarah Jackson August 7, 2007 at 9:06 am

Love it! We would have been two peas in a pod when we were kids. Nancy Drew? Wham? Check! PE avoidance? Check! Very fun.

Angela August 7, 2007 at 9:35 am

Just stumbled onto your blog and think you are hilarious! You’ve really got a knack for writing, and I love your quirky personality! (You had me rolling on #8)

estea August 7, 2007 at 9:58 am

trixiegrrls unite!

random is as random does…


Molly August 7, 2007 at 10:42 am

I have that fantasy too: going to a hotel room and no one else, no other purpose. I sometimes add things to it: by the ocean, with a lovely view of the beach, but not a sun tanning beach, and a typewriter (OK, or a laptop) and no other purpose than to read and write. Sigh…

melissa August 7, 2007 at 6:07 pm

okay, now you’ve convinced me to read through all your archives. you’re funny. x

Donna August 10, 2007 at 12:30 am

I wanted to write to the author of Trixie Belden (much to my dismay there were actual numerous writers after Julie Campbell) and have her make me a character just so I could be a member and get my picture on the endpapers. Trixie was just–wonderful. I wanted to be a Bob-White and get to hang out with them and travel to all those places.

I sold all my Trixie Belden’s on Ebay–maybe you bought some of them! And now I kind of want them back…

Do NOT look up Trixie Belden fanfic online. Trixie and Jim–you don’t want to be reading about their hot romance in college.

You’re already googling this, aren’t you.

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