Stupid Squirrels

by Stefani on 2-May-2007

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You know, me and squirrels have had a problem from the get go. They are cute, yes, I know.

They are also evil.

People come over to our house, hang out in the garden room watching the kids play out back, and never fail to say, “(gasp) Look at that squirrel! Oooooh they are SOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTTTE!”

Puke.

Those self same squirrels eat all of my tomatoes, ransack the peach tree, dig up my potted plants for no apparent reason, tease my poor old dog and otherwise TICK ME OFF!

They know it too. They sit on our adirondack chair, feasting on our peaches and looking back in the window at us.

Smug-like.

I do, however like the kitschy ceramic variety of squirrels, lifeless as they are.

I saw this one in an antique store last weekend. I thought it was insanely poetic that this little rodent would watch ME eat. He would serve me, no less!

But, one of his nuts was broken. (insert snicker)

So, just, you know, so that I could amuse myself, you know, not to BUY or anything, I looked him up on EBAY.

I have a problem, I know. I’m like an alcoholic who just wants to smell the cork.

I didn’t bid. Honest.

But now even the lifeless variety are taunting me.

erin May 26, 2007 at 5:02 am

nasty devils, aren’t they? They have been eating my strawberries. And that makes me mad.

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