It’s been brewing for some time now, months really. And now, it appears that there’s just no stopping it.
Batten down the hatches. Stay away from windows and doors. Stock up on batteries and bottled water. The atmosphere is getting a little heavy around here.
I suppose I can’t really look to any one event that has caused this situation. Like any storm, it’s just a handful of ingredients, right time, right place, that have resulted in the eruption of a powerful force that I can no longer hold at bay.
Our family is about to undergo some big changes.
Maybe it started several months ago when I had a falling out with a dear friend. She was my person. I thought we’d be old ladies together. For reasons I’ve yet to understand, we’re no longer talking. I keep thinking that it’s going to get fixed, but it doesn’t. I’ve tried all that I can think of, and the thing is just broken. It’s been a terribly discouraging and sincerely heartbreaking experience. One that has taught me a great deal.
For five long months I’ve been in self-assessment mode. Trying to make sense of what happened. Trying to figure out my part in what went wrong. Trying to reconcile myself to the fact that things that I thought were true, things that I thought I could count on, turned out to be built on sand. The whole thing has made me take a long look at all the other things/people/ideas in which I place my faith.
But, emotionally trying as the end of a friendship is, it, in and of itself, is not cause for a major life upheaval. There are many little drops of water that must collect before a white whisp in the sky can become a big grey storm cloud.
– I notice the massive amount of plastic grocery bags under the sink, and it bothers me. Even though I have never considered myself in the “green” camp, I’m beginning to wonder… Just what are we doing making all this mess?
– I find that my son can no longer close his closet door, for all the junk billowing out of it.
– I am coming up on my 10 year wedding anniversary, and I am wondering how 10 years have gone by so quickly. Will the next 10 disappear just as fast?
– My middle son hits that magic age where he becomes a big kid, getting taller, losing teeth, riding a two wheeler. How did that happen?
– One of my favorite authors, Barbara Kingsolver, releases a new book, “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” about a year of eating locally. It gives me a LOT to think about.
– I start a blog, and somehow it makes me more reflective about the small moments of our days that will ultimately make up the story of our lives.
– I enjoy myself so fully watching my kids run up and down the rows of a u-pick-’em farm that we do it twice more in one season. Why does this appeal to me so?
– I begin a love affair with my local Goodwill.
– My husband has the trash disposal company bring another can because one is just not enough to hold all of our weekly waste. This bothers me too. One family, two cans, times a bazillion households in the world equals a LOT of crap piling up.
– I taste a blueberry off the bush, and it is so different, so much better, than any blueberry I’ve ever had from a grocery store. Why is that?
– I look at my two year old, asleep on his bed, and I am shocked by how long he has gotten; how quickly the baby he was has disappeared into blurry-eyed memories. If I blink again will he be in college?
All of these little drops, and probably a thousand others, have collected in my mind, gathering into one enormous cloud. Its rumblings grow louder and louder, and this week, only hours from now, the cleansing rain will begin to fall. It has been such a long time coming.
I feel a need to clean house. I want to go through, room by room and eliminate the clutter, the useless junk. I want to clear off the counters, clean out the corners, organize the closets. I want to wash baseboards and ceiling fans. I want to empty the pantry and refridgerator of over-processed junk. I want to weed the flowerbeds, fix the fence, wash the windows. I want to learn more about eating seasonally and relying on locally grown/raised foods (more on this to come in the next few days). I want to finish those canvas grocery bags that have been waiting in my “to-sew” pile, and bring home NO MORE of those plastic bags.
I want to get rid of the nonsense and S I M P L I F Y.
I want to be more purposeful about what I put in my body, and my husband and childrens’ bodies.
I want to do my part and be a good steward of the little part of the world that is mine.
I want a do over, a clean slate, a new beginning.
I am realizing that my children are growing up at light speed, and I am getting older too. If there is a time to set a standard, if there is a time to declare what I stand for, who I am, what I hold dear, it is now.
So with a furious and mighty wind, it begins. Tomorrow, the biggest boys will begin a week-long day camp. While they are gone, Ryder and I have plans to raise a mighty squall in these parts. (Well, I have plans and as he’s two, so my plans are his plans).
I’m going to start at the back of the house and work my way forward. During this week we are going to eat up what we can from the pantry and fridge, and then start a new more thoughtful way of buying/preparing/eating/thinking about food. Friday, my first delivery of locally grown produce will arrive. Saturday, if we’ve cleaned out all we can, we might just have a garage sale (or take a bunch of stuff to Goodwill). Sunday, we rest and celebrate all we have done. I’m hoping to make a special meal and toast a new beginning in our home. A new phase of us.
My children and my husband are watching the horizon with trepidation, trying to assess the situation. They don’t quite understand what’s going on. They are worried about the implications of such severe weather. I can’t say I blame them. I hardly understand it myself. I don’t really know what life will look like on the other side.
But I know this – after a good storm, things are wiped clean, space is made, dust settles, and new life emerges. I know that it is time for that new life to have its day in the sun.
Stay tuned for continuing coverage…