Still Making Music

by Stefani on 8-October-2010

Hello there. Is anyone still poking around these parts?

It has been silent here, I know, but don’t let that fool you. There has been much life at the ranch, so so much. In fact it is, at least in part, the overabundance of life that has kept me quiet here.

Silence is the fabric upon which the notes are woven. ~Lawrence Duncan

Our learning endeavors have gotten rather demanding and consuming.

The remodeling saga wages on.

There’s been a little traveling, and we’ve added several new adventures to our list of weekly commitments.

We are happy. We are good. We are in the midst of a glorious fall – all the hell heat of  Texas summer behind us-  and an exciting path is laid out before us. It has taken all of me, ALL OF ME,  though to learn to juggle everything on our plates and still maintain our family’s sense of peace and continuity – to preserve a little space – a little margin – in our very full lives.

I didn’t mean to leave you hanging though. I’m really very sorry for that. Truth be told,  I didn’t mean to be away at all, actually. It’s a funny thing … how easy it gets to stay gone once you’ve taken leave. I didn’t expect that.

It has felt a bit like freedom though… to leave the camera at home, to keep my thoughts my own and our days a family matter. It has felt good, in some ways, to be quiet, to float, to steer clear of the sometimes overwhelming, awe-inspiring, world of blogging.

I’ll confess to you that so often those windows into the lives of others leave me feeling… like an under achiever, jealous, less – less talented, less worthy, less interesting. It has been good for me to step away from that and just be, just know . It has been good, yes, and also so necessary for me  in what has turned out to be a time of change and upheaval for our little family.

Still, I miss the meditation of blogging. I miss ending the day by reflecting on the best bits of it, savoring the images and moments that I want to hold on to. I’ve done a lot of looking back at old posts lately, as I’ve tried to decide what the future holds for this space, and I must say that am so grateful for them. What a tremendous joy it is to get to relive, if only for a moment, the best parts of days gone by. I don’t think I can give that up entirely.

I miss the sharing too…. hearing from you, trading ideas, comforting in the hard times and celebrating with each other in the good times. In the sometimes isolating world of mothering you have been a valued friend to me.

Thank you for that, truly. And thank you for the well wishes in my absence. Thank you for your tireless patience with silly, flighty me.

And so I am here…. here to say, “hello, friend. How have you been?”

I can’t promise that I’ll be here daily, but I do hope to be here more regularly. It’s important to me, and I really do hope that you’ll join me from time to time.

Until next week then, be well and soak in this glorious, golden, fall weather. We’ll see you soon!

Cassandra October 8, 2010 at 9:25 am

You must have felt your ears burning. I was wondering what you were up to! And have missed your lovely voice. Yours and Soulemama’s are the very first blogs I ever read, and I will hold both of your spaces near and dear to my heart. So glad you’re “back,” and glad you enjoyed your time away from this space.

Brittany October 8, 2010 at 10:05 am

I totally get the feeling of how easy it is to be away once you’ve gone, but I’m glad you’re back. Looking forward to more BYR adventures!

renee @ FIMBY October 8, 2010 at 10:20 am

Stefani,
I’ve been wondering how you are and missing your voice. Especially since you’ve stepped down from SH 🙁

Kobey October 8, 2010 at 10:32 am

Miss you! I can’t believe that you feel like an under acheiver. Seriously. (This is me shaking my head.)

There are so many loud urgent/good things to fill lives sometimes it is hard to hear the quiet important things.

Val October 8, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Being a new visitor over here, I’m not aware of your missing voice, only of a voice that I really enjoy “hearing”. I think you have a lovely gift in your tellings, and am glad to hear that you are pressing forward with your blog. Being a mom of boys, and raising them in a “big city” sort of way, I really appreciate reading about the trials of motherhood from the other side of the path. I think you are doing a great job, and should keep it up!
x, Val

Christie October 8, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Yep, burning ears it must have been. Just yesterday I noticed on flickr that it’s been 4 months since your last upload. Wow! and I though, hey, yeah, where is Stefani? I must admit I find it awfully easy to leave the camera at home (actually, it is the uploading and sorting and choosing and deleting that I dislike more).

Well, hello, again. Glad your time has been enjoyable.

Visty October 8, 2010 at 1:29 pm

I succumbed. Pulled my own plug. But I hope to start up again with fresh eyes and a renewed vision of what my blog would mean to ME, not to family or friends or the blogosphere. I am glad you’re back, though.

Leah October 8, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Hi Stephanie,

I was wondering if you would ever start blogging again. I like your blog for it’s unique voice. Glad you took some time to get the perspective you needed but just know I have found inspiration here – if only the simplicity of being very present for my children – whatever that looks like for each individual family 🙂

Susie M October 8, 2010 at 2:21 pm

I hear you on every single level…finding (and not finding) those moments in my life to blog…feeling “less than” when confronted with the full and amazing lives of other mama bloggers (not to mention the mama homeschool bloggers)…and just the freedom of the moment NOT captured on camera or not lived to be then translated into a post.

I enjoy your words, your sharing, and your beautiful art/lessons…when you are up to it, dig back in. Until then, enjoying your life and living it is what it is all about.

steadymom October 8, 2010 at 3:26 pm

You’re wonderful and it’s lovely to hear a bit of what you are up to! Be well!

Jamie

Diane October 8, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Yay you! I was wondering and I’m glad all is well in your corner…

Hannah October 8, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Hey Stef! You know it amazes me that any other blogs could make you feel less, since yours has always been golden. Now I know you’re just as wonderful in person. I hope you do return to writing and sharing at a level you’re comfortable with, since you have a gift for it. Look at all the people who miss you! 🙂

april October 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm

happy dance happy dance! welcome back!

Sarah :: greenclogs October 8, 2010 at 10:48 pm

it’s good to see you, friend. xoxo

Pam K October 9, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Welcome back Stefani. I have missed you but I completely relate to your feelings. I am trying to really make God the focus of our existence with our homeschooling and other areas. If my plans don’t match His then I have to say farewell. It’s the same with blogging. I don’t blog but I read them sometimes obsessively. That can be very unhealthy to my self esteem. I do consider your blog to be one of the most inspiring. I enjoy the glimpse into your lives as I am a mother of boys and so thank you.

Eren October 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Hello friend.

Lee October 11, 2010 at 12:21 am

I am so glad you have posted once again. Reading your blog inspires me tremendously and reminds me of why I homeschool even though at times it can be overwhelming and frustrating. I look forward to reading more of you and your lovely family soon!

Mary Ann Johnson October 11, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Solace is what it sometimes takes to refill the bucket. Glad your back refilled!

Jen October 12, 2010 at 5:28 am

It is so very, very good to “see” you again! At least 3 times a week I would check your blog and hope there would be something new. Not because I need to be entertained but because I worried that silence, in this case, could mean all kinds of awful thing.

I am so pleased that it was the breather, space, time that you needed! I do find you to be one of the most down to earth homeschoolers and a great motivation. Not because I feel like you are a supermom, but because you are real, gritty, and honest. Some blogs leave me feeling inadequate, yours leaves me inspired!

Thanks.

Mousy Brown October 12, 2010 at 12:37 pm

See you soon! 😀

Lindsey October 15, 2010 at 4:27 pm

I’m just going to ditto everything Pam K. said! I completely understand the need to keep it to yourself for a while, and to not delve too deeply into other blogs or blogging. I’ve felt those feelings of inadequacy from blogs (more from housekeeping and home decorating than from homeschooling blogs, but I can see how that could easily happen, too).

So glad to hear you back. You feel “local” to me, although I’m in Houston, and I love hearing what you and the boys are discovering and learning. It inspires me.

Wanda October 18, 2010 at 8:05 pm

You have been missed! Yours is still one of the first blogs I check 🙂

Relyn October 19, 2010 at 10:42 am

You know, I miss you. I really do.

jjillinois October 19, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Missed you. Just enjoy the music! It sounds like your priorities are in order.

Angela Sondrol November 1, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Thank you for coming back!! You have been missed, you are my respite from the daily monotony of my endless job!!

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