Be warned: The following post is very high in poly-unsaturated sarcasm. Studies have shown increased risk of smirking, snorting, sniffing and general snarkiness to be associated with consuming this post. You should consult a doctor before proceeding if you are pregnant, nursing or prone to a highly sarcastic nature yourself.
I had intended, today, to finish up a project to share with you.
You know where that road paved with good intentions leads, right? Yep, it ain’t pretty there.
I gathered up all my crafty supplies and discovered that one essential item was missing. The X-acto knife.
Are you alarmed? Well you should be. A house of three boys, and a missing knife. Now is the time to put EMS on standby.
I interrogated the boys seperately (imagine the naked bulb in the face technique), and they all claim to have never seen such an implement in all their lives, so how could they possibly have touched one? I checked their fingers, and none were crossed, but it is possible that they have collaborated on this story. Hmmm…
I tore the house apart, dug through all the drawers, braved the closets, and still, no knife.
I’ll tell you what I did find:
The Krazy Glue that we’ve been looking for to fix James’ glass lighthouse. His overzealous 2 year old brother surely did not mean to throw it against the wall. Accidental, of course. Happens to me all the time… before I know what has happened, I’ve just bashed something against a wall for no fathomable reason. Uh huh. Right.
I also found not one, not two, but THREE seam rippers. Last week, when I needed one, there was none to be had. Now I have three. Which is okay, I guess, because I use them a lot.
I found tape! Clear scotch tape. Just this past weekend I wrapped a package using masking tape. I let the kids help me wrap it so that I could smile and shrug and talk about what an endearingly horrendous mess the wrapping was.
I found gobs and gobs of scissors. You know why? I found them, at this moment, because I did not NEED them at this moment. When I do, you can be assured that they will have gone missing again. All 42 pairs of them.
And I found something else that I have been fruitlessly looking for. Two, more precious than silver or gold library books. These would be the two books mentioned in a friendly little letter that I got in the mail yesterday. Something to the effect of, “Library patron, you can cough up the ^&%# books or we can send an angry mob toting torches and pitchforks to take the $75 fine out of your arse.”
I was never so excited to see this gorgeous green mug!
Dear, sweet Lyle.
I now have a two fold plan:
1) Set traps for the pixie, fairy goblin creatures that are clearly having a grand old time misplacing my things for me. Do you suppose that Orkin can spray for such things?
2) Lose something new so that I can look for it and find the X-acto knife instead.
Tomorrow, when it’s time to go somewhere, and my beloved boys cannot find their shoes even though I’ve told them 6,348 times to take them off by the door so that they will know where to find them, I will have to remember to cut them a small break. It’s genetic, I’m afriad.