I really had no idea.
I had NO idea that the language of bread would speak to so many of you. I had no idea that there WERE so many of you!
I’m just so humbled and honored that you stopped by – so glad that you took the time to say hello, and um, between us, I’m a little nervous too, in a happy kind of way.
So many of you have said that you’re going to give our bread a whirl. So, even though I’ve made it a bazillion times now, and I know that it works wonders in our house, I’m kind of nervous about it being baked all over creation.
I do so hope that it turns out well for you all, and that you love it as much as we do.
All of the Blue Yonder gang is a little giddy thinking that “OUR” bread will grace so many tables.
That is very very cool.
Thank you. You’ve made our day, and then some.
So, let me tell you now what made my night.
Every now and again, my boys ask for “Family Movie Night” – this has nothing at all to do with the little red envelope that comes in the mail and always provides some excitement, this is about REAL family movies. The ones that star US.
It’s been a long time since we watched our old movies, so we brought them out tonight, popped up the popcorn and snuggled in under the quilts to laugh and smile and cry a little at our old selves.
Yes, well, I was probably the only one crying.
In tonight’s feature film, Ryder (now almost 4) was a brand new baby. We saw the very first moment that his brother’s laid eyes on him… all the high pitched squeals and loving little head rubs and “really? He’s OURS?” grins.
I cried a lot over that bit, actually.
We saw little bed-heads eating their morning oatmeal, first karate classes, birthdays, days at the lake, and even caught a glimpse of our two black labs, our first babies, that passed away last year.
We laughed so hard that our guys’ personalities were evident, even as they were so small… Ryder rolling and kicking his little legs, eager to be as big as all the other boys, James reveling in making everyone laugh and asking (even at 2!) for a “real guitar” and Luke, the oldest, who is mostly incredibly helpful and encouraging but sometimes crosses the line into doing some parenting of his own.
And all the while I was realizing something that does my mama’s heart so good –
As I watched the old me, balancing a baby on her shoulder while lighting birthday candles for a three year old, as I saw her saying, “honey I’m so glad you love your new baby, but please let’s kiss him and then give him just a little bit of room”; as I took notice of the bean sprouts growing in the window sill and the piles of blocks and books in the corner, as I watched all those boys smiling and laughing and growing and loving, I couldn’t help but think, “I am so proud of her!”
I remember those days, when they were so little – 3 and 2 and brand new. I remember feeling overjoyed, but also a good bit overwhelmed. I remember feeling like I didn’t know how to do parenting “right”. I remember loving them so fiercely that it hurt and at the same time feeling like I could never be the mommy they deserved. But I look at her now, the old me, and I feel like hugging her and saying, “You are doing just fine and you are going to BE just fine, and so are they.”
And you know why that’s good news?
Because sometimes I still have those same feelings.
Am I doing this right?
Am I loving them enough, hugging them enough, honoring each of them individually enough, teaching them enough?
Have I been too busy, raised my voice too often, not noticed the little hand that needed holding, pushed aside the book that needed to be read?
I wonder, as grown men, how they will look back on the job that I did. Will they give me a little grace and know that in all my human frailty I really did try to do a good job?
So when I watch these movies and I see how far we’ve come, how much I’ve learned, how at peace we all are, and when I see the love that has only grown, I know…
We are doing just fine, and we are going to BE just fine.