Thanks so much for the warm welcome back, y’all. It’s so good to be here again.
So, let’s get down to the business of catching up, shall we?
You might be wondering how I fell off the old blogging wagon for so long. Well, it all started with the Great Remodel, as we’ve come to call it.
That was two summers ago, and yet it lingers on. Among other eccentricities, we still have no doors (save for the outer ones). I know that might sound a little crazy, but it actually has its upsides. I know exactly what my boys are up to in their rooms and when I’m mean and awful and ruining their lives? They can’t slam their doors.
Somehow slamming your sheet doesn’t have the same effect, now does it?
When the remodeling commenced, I had a forced hiatus, and you know what happened? I grew to enjoy spending my evenings away from the computer. Sometimes I’d think that something or other would make a good blog post and then just as quickly I’d think, “well yes but… maybe a bowl of ice cream and an episode of Gilmore Girls might be more fun.”
And that would be that.
During my blogging hiatus I watched the entire 7 season run of Gilmore Girls, front to back.
Remember when we didn’t do TV? Oh how things have changed.
Still like me?
It wasn’t just the lazy evenings that kept me from blogging though. I grew to enjoy seeing friends or having dinner with my extended family and knowing that they didn’t already know all my stories. I could maybe even surprise them from time to time!
I grew to appreciate our anonymity too – – not ever worrying if some wackadoo somewhere had a wall in his bedroom papered with photos of my family.
I enjoyed not thinking about the business of blogging for a while – stressing over how a post would be received, or festering over a comment that hurt me. Will my readers like what I have to say? Will they feel slighted if I don’t answer every comment or visit every blog? Does this blog compare well to other blogs? How are my stats? Do I sell or not sell on my blog? Do I look like a flake if one year I’m kind of an unschooler and the next we’re classical educators? What will my kids think of all this when they’re grown???
On and on and on.
Blogging started to feel like a job, you know? Another thing to fret over.
And those kids of mine? They’re growing older. Clearly no one told them that older kids are supposed to be EASIER than toddlers. They aren’t. They need even more attention and love, guidance and understanding than ever before. The stakes are higher too. I will be straight with you, having older kids has been, and still is, an adjustment for me. I did NOT see that coming!
It is a wonderful blessing in some ways to have big kids. It’s nice to be able to read a book while they swim at the pool (glory!) and having truly thoughtful conversations with your own son is kind of surreal and amazing. Older children are challenging in other ways though. You have to know how to handle it when “all their friends” are allowed to do something that they aren’t, and how not to come unglued when their choice of entertainment, while not exactly BAD, makes your skin crawl.
You see, my men are becoming honest to goodness people, like with opinions and stuff. I actually have to honor their individuality and thoughts now. The nerve! I’ve got to be a be a bit of a gambler, put on my poker face, know when to hold ’em and… when to ground ’em.
Big kids are busier than toddlers too! They are involved with friends and sports and classes and lessons, all the stuff I kept at bay for as long as I possibly could while they were little. Along the way though, they learned about the world and all its charms and now they keep me running around from sun up to sun down. I am desperately, DESPERATELY, trying to find the balance between enrichment and exhaustion, letting them explore all the wonders within our reach, while protecting what little remains of the slow, sweet, simplicity that once was our family life. By the time night comes, I am DONE.
Blogging takes a back seat to SLEEP!
I missed this though. I missed the friends that I found here. I missed hearing from you, sharing with you, and laughing with other moms like me, caught up in the throws of raising up a bunch of wild ragamuffins.
Also, I don’t like that almost two years have slipped through my fingers. Sure, I have photos of the big stuff – the trips and holidays and recitals, but I feel like I’ve lost some of the special little things that make up our days. I’ve lost some real treasures:
– the way the oldest thought Bon Jovi was singing about “Living on a Prairie,”
– the way it felt to take our first Mama/Daddy only trip in 10 years,
– the way the littlest man sits in his drawers by the fire on winter mornings to warm his back and then runs to me saying “quick, have some toast with your coffee!”,
– the way I was ready to beat the Lego Robotics judges to smithereens for not crowning my amazing middle boy King of the Universe (or at least winner of the competition) and how he and I both learned that the joy is sometimes in the doing, if not the winning,
– the way our Daddy showed the boys that a geezer can still get it done at the skatepark
It just makes me sad to think of those things that I didn’t store up for later.
It’s okay though. In the words of that great troubadour of old (John Mayer), I didn’t have a camera by my side, so “I could see the world with both my eyes.”
It was a phase of life – just being in the moment, just enjoying what was without worrying at all about how to save it for later.
A feast without leftovers.
A bee doesn’t keep track of the number of flowers it’s visited, right? It just flies through all the days it can.
A flower doesn’t journal about the days it spent in bloom, does it? It just spreads its petals for as long as it can.
So while I don’t have the answers – I still don’t know whether it’s better to blog or not to blog- I do know that I am grateful for the friends that I made and the stories that I shared here. I am equally grateful for the time that I was quiet and for the experiences that I just lived without wondering how they would translate to a post.
What does that mean for the future? I don’t know exactly.
I’m going to feast,
and I’m going to buzz
and I’m going to bloom
and when I can?
I’d like to share it all with you.